Tuesday, April 16, 2013
I'm being naive to think that there's something here when there's not. My relationships are like my life, hopeful, promising yet ultimately fleeting. But she is beautiful, she is warm and inspiring and honest. There was a point when I could've had her maybe that time will come again. And maybe she's crazy and I'm crazy and nothing really matters. Easy out huh...
Monday, April 15, 2013
The process of interviewing is interesting. I'm interviewing them as they are interviewing me. Trying to find if there is a possible relationship there. Looking for a connection. I think I made one with my last interview. We'll see if the timing is right.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
But this is exactly where I am...
And without further ado. . .
I'm desperately trying to end this. This period in my life that I can't seem to escape.
I know there is more to come and I know the change is going to involve me altering things in my life that have become so habitual.
It seems simple to think that if I hadn't been so lazy for so long I wouldn't be here.
But maybe it is that simple.
I felt supreme confidence for so long. As if I was controlling in some way how my life was being played out. Not as if I was controlling what I was doing in my daily life. More that I assumed things would be and expected them to be as my imagination dictated.
That was false. How could things just be.
How could I shape the future I wanted without putting any of the work in. Without fighting to get what I wanted.
I just wanted it to be.
And I know that's weirdly cocky. Cocky egotistical selfish…
Why should I just be given anything I really haven't earned.
Knowing things and opportunities I've been given to this point. Knowing that I haven't taken advantage of them is rough.
It's uncomfortably rough.
This is Lonnie Finley calling to collect a debt. A debt that has to be paid to Lonnie Finley. You owe for the lack of promise fulfilled. Promises you've made to yourself. Dreams you had when you were a kid. Dreams you have today. Any and all attempts to collect a debit will be recorded for quality assurance.